does anyone really care? this is my vent place for now. life is seriously just miserable. fights with mom constantly. i feel like i'm not even really me. but then again im just trying to let the truth out. to be honest, words are coming out that i should not even say. and many would think, "adrienne? no way. not sweet innocent happy go lucky adrienne." and i say YES! it is me. i'm so tired of pleasing people. but i know if i let even part of the "real" me out it would be a shocker. i know that God is not happy with me right now. and why should He be? i've done nothing to please Him lately. i keep trying to start things off right, but continually, daily, it goes awol and things mess up again. and to be honest, again, i regret doing the internship. yes in some ways i don't, but so much bad has come out since its been over. i just need a true friend. one who will really listen to EVERYTHING i say and wait to comment on it. and not give me some spiritual mumbo jumbo about it. i need a friend who will kick me in the butt so to speak to get me back in gear. you would think after 13 years in the youth group at church and 10 months in the internship i could kickstart myself back --- yea amazing how it doesn't happen after you've been hurt, stabbed in the back, manipulated, lied to, etc. i keep saying, "Lord, help me forgive me. i want to enjoy reading my word and praying. i want to not think or even speak wrong words. i need YOU." and every day i FAIL. big time. why? for those of you who really know me and read this, please keep me in your prayers. things are really hard right now. i know that everyone goes through seasons, but i've been in this one since about march or april of '07. i don't know what happened. i need help that i don't know how to ask for from those that i know. and even then i can't ask some of them for help because i would get superspiritual crap -- no offense but i need REALITY not Superspirituality.

like eight days left!!

so banquet tonight. i really dont think it will be a big deal anymore. especially since just about EVERYONE is going solo. but its ok. at least we get to pick who we sit with right? *always think in the positive*
christmas break is going good. but i can't wait for jan 2 and 220i to kick back in. speaking of which. i need prayer for january. things are going to be going crazy. we are going to be super super busy and i have to work too - unless someone wants to just bless me with mulah. but yea so lots of little sleep going on. but it'll be good and it'll be worth it. "its gonna be worth it all" :) toodles